Suck It Up, Buttercup

As a Psychology Major, I want to hit on this topic first: The emotional and mental health of boys and men. Being a relatively new science, psychology and mental health has been taking a stand as a serious and extremely important part of everyone's life. Diagnoses of mental health disorders such as depression have spiked over the last few decades due to the relevance of mental health in daily functioning. Depression, a seemingly widespread illness, affects men a lot more than you would think. Statistically, women tend to be more prone to depression (as in severe depression, lasting two or more weeks), being twice as likely to become depressed than men, as according to the DBSA. But, here's the catch: Even though women are more prone to depression, it is men who are four times more likely to commit suicide.

The reason behind this is due to the methods men and women choose to commit their suicide. Women are more likely to use non-violent methods such as overdosing on drugs, but men are more likely to hang or shoot themselves, creating a very high likelihood of death. There is a higher proportion of women attempting suicide, but because they use non-violent methods of suicide and are often times rescued during or after the attempt, they survive. However, when depressed men attempt suicide, it is almost definitely fatal. Researchers debate whether this is because men have a higher intent of over women or due to the males - as a whole - tending to commit violent or impulsive actions, which then lead to suicide. Anther theory is men are sticking to their cultural gender steryotypes - some of these include drinking emotions away, venting frustration on an object or person, or simply not talking about their emotions at all. This, this specifically is what I want to touch on.

It's fairly common to hear these phrases thrown around, especially to younger boys: "suck it up...be a man...keep a stiff upper lip...never let anyone see you cry..." For some reason, it is ingrained in our culture that tears are a sign of weakness. Emotions are to be held back and kept hidden away for no one to see, not even those close to you. This emotional instability causes distrust between the parent and child, and creates anxiety and frustration. Maturing boys are unable to properly vent their feelings which in turn isolate them from being able to deeply connect with others, especially their family members and significant others. Nobody understands because nobody knows! And because nobody knows, everyone is surprised when a perfectly happy-looking boy decides to run away, commit a crime, or kill themselves.

A great example I'd like to use for this topic is a very popular series called Star Wars. Here is a very abridged version of the lore: The Force is a power used by Jedi and Sith. The Jedi are a priest-like order that maintain peace throughout the galaxy, while the Sith are "evil" versions of Jedi, seeking power and the destruction of the Jedi Order. A-ha, you see, I put those quotes on 'evil' for a reason. In the Star Wars Universe, the dogma the Jedi use goes something along the lines of "fear is the path to the Dark Side (the Dark Side being the side of the Force the Sith use)". It is assumed that something called the Dark Side is rather sinister and evil - and they show this with black robes, red light sabers, and lots of murder. However, the way one turns to the Dark Side is actually kept relatively vague. The Dark Side of the Force draws on raw emotion, while the Light Side of the Force is keeping those raw emotions in check, and balancing themselves. The problem here is, being unable to control your emotions is being portrayed as evil. It's not good, but it's a little extreme to call it evil. Unfortunately, the Jedi don't do a great job teaching their Padawans about how to handle their emotions and just tell them to not show them at all. (Spoilers: this pretty much creates Darth Vadar and the destruction of the Jedi order)

Star Wars: Dark Side and Light Side

Thankfully, our culture is becoming more accepting of emotions in both men and women. Kids with depression are able to get the help they need, families are able to talk to one another on an emotional level, and schools are allowing students to seek help through their counselors. But, we still have a bit of that stoic culture left. It's not because hard dads are sticking to their ways, but because their sons are passing it on.

As we grow up, we tend to continue what we've been raised with and what appears to work. If our parents raised us a certain way, and it works, then why not continue what they taught us? Of course, not all parents have the intention of shutting down their kid's emotions, but it's often times how the child interprets what they've been told. A mom or dad can have the intention of saying something a lot nicer, like "it's ok, just stay strong," but when it comes out as "suck it up," it tends not to stay fond in the brain. A lot of times parents fail to fully convey what they mean to their kids and sometimes the nuances of what we mean get passed over their heads and they interpret what we mean to say differently. These kids would then grow up and end up repeating what they unconsciously learned from their parents, saying something they might not mean during an emotionally charged moment without fully expressing their true meaning.

In short, emotions are not a bad thing. In order to keep a healthy mind, young boys should be able to convey their emotions freely and get the support they need to overcome their problems, as any child, or adult should. Though this "suck it up" culture is slowly being phased out here, it's still prevalent in many Asian and Middle Eastern cultures, where men are still expected to be the stoic, strong leader of the household. If you are a man and you need to cry, then cry. Having emotions makes us human, and men should not have to contain themselves for the sake of keeping face.

Buttercups